Believe Me now

Over the past 4 weeks, I've been wrestling a lot with God over some issues that I am not at liberty to discuss here yet. Suffice to say, this morning I realized that my struggle hasn't so much been about the uncertainties I've been facing, but about how much I trust God!

I was reading in Luke 8 this morning, and I came to the passage where Jesus calms the sea during the storm. In The Message version, verse 25, immediately after Jesus calms the waves, he says to his disciples:

Why can't you trust me?

Let me tell you - that was like an arrow straight to my heart! Why indeed can't I trust Him? After 22 years of walking with Him, you'd think I'd get this thing right.

(I so relate to the man who asked that his son be healed, exclaiming, "I believe" and then in the same breath admitting, "Help my unbelief!")

Many of you know that the almost-3-years we have been living here have been extremely difficult. I truly felt like God called us here, but it's been a desert in so many ways! I've questioned Him so often - why here, God?

And because it has been so hard, my faith and trust has waned. While in my head I believe without a doubt that God wants what's best for me, my heart has struggled. Why would He let it be so hard?

(Ask the butterfly why it's so hard to break forth from the chrysalis, eh?)

I stopped right there in my reading and confessed my struggle with trusting that God does indeed have my best interests in mind, even in "desert places". Then I read on, coming to the account of the woman with the hemorrhage. She reached out and was healed, and when she came forward and admitted what she'd done, Jesus responded:

Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! (Luke 8:48, TM)

For a type-A, likes-to-have-things-planned-and-in-order gal, taking a risk is scary at best. But that's exactly what trust is all about, isn't it?

As I came in from the deck to get ready for the day, a song began playing in my head. Perhaps it will encourage you too.

09 - Steven Curtis Chapman - (09) - Believe Me Now

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe Me now

I am the One who waved my hand and split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I've loved you long before I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you..

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you
And I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe it's true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true, and all My promises are sure
So believe Me now
Oh, believe Me now

((c) Steven Curtis Chapman)